Groin Check Fail

Part of being on call in the CCU, in addition to admitting new patients and accepting transfers from outside hospitals, is cross-covering the other patients in the CCU. This involves a lot of checking fluid status at midnight, as well as the dreaded.... midnight.... groin check! (If someone gets a cardiac cath, they usually get access through vessels in the groin, and later on we have to do a groin check and make sure a huge bruise [or worse] isn't developing.)

As if it's not creepy enough that I'm coming into somone's room for the sole purpose of checking their groin, somehow they all seem to be due for groin checks around midnight. So I'm creepily coming into their room late at night, waking them up, to check their groin. Not. weird. at. all.

So I go to check this one lady's groin- and I have to get back to writing an H&P and watching a crazy hypotensive lady- and she starts yammering away about some nonsense that no one cares about. I try to slowly leave the room while she's talking and pawn the conversation off on the nurse. Then I sneak back to the nurses station to write my crappy midnight H&P on another patient and I hear this:

Nonsense McGee: "She looked REALLY tired!"
Nurse: "What?"
Nonsense McGee: "She looked REALLY tired! She just looked a MESS!"
Nurse: "Ohhh, don't say that."
Nonsense McGee: "She did!"

Yeah, and she HEARD YOU, you turd bomb! I was like all of 10 feet away!

Just see if I'll ever check YOUR groin again. I'm done with you.

Done, I say.